i overheard my wife talking about me

Hope you can solve things and come to a good end for you. Firstly: Even though it may be difficult: try and see this as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship. I thanked him. I'm sorry. Also, the fact that she let her friends talk shit about him while she and OP are supposed to be in a happy marriage Damn, that says a lot. Doesn't matter if she means it or not. It is also extremely concerning that she never told you that Tom approached her before the wedding. It actually did make me feel a little better. We hung on because we truly love each other and that is what really counts. Why would she tell them you enjoy costumes? She just let it slip. Your sex life sounds amazing. And I've faced this with my family-- I shut that crap down with a quickness. No true friend will stab you in the back. Couples therapy is a must, but it is on your wife to earn your trust back. this sounds like a case of she only sorry she got caught. I got halfway through before searching "fake" in the comments. Im so sorry, my jaw hit the floor reading this. She said 'girls talk' and she has to have someone to talk to about stuff. Seriously I have a whole lot of respect for you for how you reacted. As a queer person, I would never feel comfortable being with someone biphobic or who is okay being friends with people who are biphobic. Any other friends you have in common likely know. Although, bi men have it way worse. Seems to me that because of her indifference to your feelings, she needs to get rid of those friends because she emasculated you in front of them. Finding this out, I personally dont know if I could get past it. I packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and told them I was going to grandmas house to help her with something. You gotta fuck Tom. Bisexuality is valid. If my bf were you, I'd imagine he would do the same exact thing. Has anyone gone through anything similar? For example, he keeps in touch with some of his exs and although it's his business he is always transparent with me because he know how I would feel if it was behind my back. I would suggest that you avoid any hasty decisions that would blow your life up until you take some time to process this on your timeline. Dude, she needs to recognize that her violation of your trust is incredibly bad. Wow dude. They will be lapping up the drama and pushing to be in the loop, believe me. You are both going to be have to go to couples therapy and individual therapy sessions. Right? Therefore I would talk to her about her views on it and, if necessary, go to couples therapy on this. She probably just wants to belong and is afraid to stand up to, i am guessing here, to friends with stronger personalities. Whether or not its just because she got caught, I dont know. In that space is our power to choose our response. I just chain smoked and clinched the steering wheel so hard I thought I was gonna break it. She doesnt respect you, man. P.O Box 30080-00100,Nairobi, Kenya. However you talk shit no doubt with your friends you would probably never want her to hearbwe can all be thoughtless assholes from time to time She chose you I'm not saying you overreacted must off been devastating to hear but it sounds like overall you guys have a good and loving relationship unless you are truly broken by this you need to talk and work out where you are now and whether this is repairable or not situation. I mean the "I overheard my wife say something upsetting about me to her friends" genre is a little played out. Trust is one of those things that simply cannot be regained when broken. Youre not overreacting. This makes me so angry I'm having a hard time putting it into words. you sound like a fuckin pussy, enjoy your manliness, as you your wife fucks u in the ass LOL. Must feel betrayed and really hurt. It's time to contact a lawyer, bro. If she truly loves you she is going to beat herself up for a while. I keep my composure as best I can and open the slider to the patio and poke my head out. If she does in fact really care about you - she will wait. Stay strong man I can only hope you can move on from this with your confidence restored. I mean i think you can talk it out?? Continuing to discuss, lie and joke about the issue for years is where the problem is. At the beginning of the marriage endometriosis and disparei is, we spent almost an year without sex, I was always by her side, left the work early, never even thought about hookups or relief with other women. Come on, you're not 19 anymore. At 31 years old! Doesn't really sound wonderful to me if she can out private details like that so easily. I haven't gotten through this personally, however, I would suggest marriage counseling if you stay with her. Slipping up and sharing something very private about your husband is betrayal enough. Your wife betrayed your trust by sharing private details about your sexual preferences with other people. Back then I hadnt realize I was bi because I was a teen, and scared of being rejected by my family, but I knew I felt certain attraction towards girls. Itd be a dealbreaker for me. I'm reading all the comments and really appreciate the advice and support guys . Outing you accidentally is one thing, but there are a load of major no-nos here. My phone was blowing up the whole time with calls and text from my wife and a few from our friends. Those homophobes won't care that he's married to a woman. Period.. If she isn't willing to do both of those things, then she is proving she doesn't value you enough, or is sorry enough for the damage she's caused, to be worth staying with. My step-dad said, "I feel like I always have to watch what I have to say, and I shouldn't have to worry about . When they reacted a little judgy then she may have backpeddled a bit. She values her homophobic friends' opinions more than your feelings. This friend is in a serious relationship," he kicked off the contenscious post. Yeah, I'm a married woman. You're in the feels phase of this situation, not in the action phase yet. Let her know that if she wants to patch this up, its on her. Prepare to be known as 'that guy who is really sensitive about his sexuality". Maybe suggest that. Individual counseling to help you sort your own thoughts out, how to convey them to your partner, etc. No shit. Especially the two narrow minded ones, All these comments already have good points, I just wanna add that you should definitely take your time. She should have known to do that herself beforehand. However you don't have to forgive and forget either; life isn't black and white. Once your sexual history was out in the open and left you vulnerable to her girlfriends judgements, she decided to join in and talk shit about it and mention that she thinks of other men while pleasuring you since it turns her off. That is a childish excuse, to blame alcohol for being a terrible friend and partner. ", I doubt he cares about that, its mostly that his wife was saying all of those things behind his back but she acts like she likes it to him. I would be trembling with furious anger and wouldn't be able to face her with the same amount of trust for a long, long while after this incident. This has big sad middle America vibes or something. She should genuinely make amends for it and admit to your so called friends her hand in the situation! Me: girls, get your better halves and get the fuck out of my house They all pop right up and walk past me. Even individual counseling as well, to help you understand your own feelings and what you want to do in this relationship. We have a dog and some goldfish. My mom was told me drunk words are sober thoughts. He is my best friend, and I would never make fun of him behind his back like that. I don't thibk this calls for a divorce but itw definitely a violation of trust and deserves to be handled as a serious issue not a minor mistake. She let slip things that suggests she views OP inferiorly. You and your wife decided to marry each other. Don't go broadcasting it. I think it's too late for couples counseling. Just shows she has no loyalty. Just as all good things come to an end, so too do all the bad things. Especially the part where she acts like its a close call between you and Tom to her girlfriends. This is probably something couples therapy can help you navigate. Your wife violated your trust multiple times. It's only a reference to who you choose to have sex with. Hubby is under the bus & she's driving over him again & again unnecessarily! As others have said you've been outed and made fun of for YEARS now and the weight of that should be made apparent to your "wife". Will you ever be able to trust her with any important information again? I feel for you and wish you the best. I could not imagine this type of betrayal and I hope you can find peace. 1.) They all laugh. Your sexual relationship is basically the basis of trust in your relationship as a whole. Take care of yourself, you have the right to take more time if you need it. And her dissing your sexual needs to her friends and I truly understand that it was very hurtful and disrespectful to you and your marriage. Will take her out to nice places, and buy her stuff. Im one of the long time married people commenting in this sub. I'm a bisexual woman, and if my husband told his friends that he thinks of other women when we do more than vanilla sex, I'd tell him to go find less. Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. It was over something dumb, but she's fucking nuts and didn't want me to date anybody. I've been married for 21+ years. When I was married my ex-wife I had a problem with erectile distinction for a few months, due to massive stress at work. He said his wife told him what happened and he wanted to let me know he doesnt give a shit about me being bi and thinks the while situation is fucked. Im scrolling Reddit at night because its an escape from my own personal issues, so I might not be connecting some dots. She destroyed your trust, and trust takes a long time to repair. "My. This is a huge betrayal and should not be minimised by either of you. Then, when I was in the bathroom (just outside of their bedroom door), I could hear them talking about me. Why does she feel the need to show off to her friends in a way that makes them think less of you? Again this is a guess. Best of luck. She more than likely enjoys your sex life and marriage, but is ashamed at how her friends make her feel, and used you as an outlet. Being shitty is easy, being a good person is too Clearly choices have been made. Are all your future conversations and issues also going to be relayed through said friends? As far as your confidence goes, why has that taken a hit? What drops it a full letter grade for me is that the protagonist is always an Abercrombie model. We had a group of our friends over and as the night went on we all kind of busted out into little groups. That's plain shitty. She shouldn't be hiding things from you or telling people your personal stuff. The only thing I can think is that she didnt want you to worry or feel badly about itbut its an important thing I would want mentioned to me (an ex sniffing around and trying to get back together with my boyfriend). Don't make any decisions until you have calmed down. My guess is that she was only sorry he caught her and she's been crying because she's about to become a divorced mom. Does she really think they dont laugh at her for doing bi things with you behind her back as well? Stand firm in that it wasn't okay to disclose private information that you didn't want to be made public. There's a wide gulf between those that think that's okay and the rest of us. Partners that demand that have no respect for you. Wife: " (my name) I dunno what your heard but it's not what" Me: " (wifes name) I know exactly what I heard." I turned around and stormed off to our room. Definitely think about whether or not this is a dealbreaker. The third, least savoury issue: She may still have hidden feelings for Tom. The guys almost definitely do not give a fuck. That's a major issue in my eyes at least. Also, she doesn't like your sex life. Yet, evrything else you've said indicates that she does value you: this relationship was not strained up until this point, and nobody (apart from some really messed up people) can "play pretend" for so long. You have an issue, address it. She failed at the number one attribute an SO needs to be, your SO's most ardent defender. German Young Boy Seduce Big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20. What you say too each other is one thing but to the outside world your SO is the best cook lover protector whatever. It doesn't matter how private it is, or if they say they don't, they talk. 3. This has obviously been a topic of conversation for a couple years and she never bothered to tell him about outing him, instead laughing about their sex life and needing to fantasize about other men while leaving him in the dark. Don't be embarrassed about any of that stuff, everyone knows now so just own it. First up outing someone is never good an apology can be made for that but not the making you less than convo you heard. When the "friends" make their snide comments, she should be backing you up, not joining in. Its unsettling that she would remain friends with people who dared to judge her in that way, and that she even tries to gain their approval by talking trash about the beautiful sex you two get to have together. If I was you I would demand you get into couples therapy, and make absolutely clear that the trust you had in her is gone and it is going to take time for that trust to be rebuilt. The thing that's most revolting is that she'd hang you out to dry just to agree with her mates. I'm sorry. It's not infidelity but to me it sounds just as fucking bad. That's what's really completely messed up - she's been joking with pals behind his back for a couple years and never told him she had slipped up. I can also understand how this could be a blow to your confidence. There are many things that could be said or done that are definite "break up" situations, but this is not one of them. When you can't control what's happening, challenge yourself to control the way you respond to what's happening. Created by your wife. She maybe deserves the benefit of the doubt. Divorce. We have been married for more than 10 years and have . Best of luck man. This. It sounds like you're discovering a side of your wife you didn't know about. Same! What girl no own ya sh*t. I would be scared to death to share those acts with her again. I am so sorry this has happened to you. There are plenty things I could talk about my girlfriend and make fun of her for it to my mates, but I dont because what happens between us stays between us. If youre ever going to get past this, you should both be in therapy. I'm wondering if your lack of fighting in your communication may be related to her not being open and honest with you as you are with her. I don't have anything else to say about it besides the fact that we're both happy with our sex life.". You need to learn how to deal with being outed and your stupid wife needs to understand the true ramifications for you. Its one thing for the wife and her friends to be talking about you, but they were talking about you and laughing. But there are definitely lines, and she crossed a big one. This story isnt funny but that first line killed me. I genuinely thought we were in love, until I overheard her on the phone recently remarking to a friend that she feels she settled for me and thinks about her ex every day. Kids do the joking crap and make fun of boyfriends, not decent women. One friend asked her if she considered it and she said yes but ultimately she chose to stay with me because I made her happy and treated her better. She kept her bad friends 4. Even if it was a close call, you dont say that. Still, you are gonna have a serious talk and you're gonna have to make her understand this was unacceptable. Next I called my wife. OP can do better than Tom. Personally, I would consider this along the same lines of cheating in my relationship, because it's a complete breach of trust and security you're supposed to have with your partner. I'm not sure how your marriage survives without professional help. So our RC is this weekend and I overheard my wife talking on the phone with a friend about it. Then one girl left and all of a sudden the other girl is giving pointers! Or no, either way it was gross as fuck. She told her friends some of your kinks gross her out, and then told them she fantasizes about her ex-boyfriend while you fuck her. I believe you'll deal with this and adapt. we're both 28. He heard her, not us) about visualizing other men. Great comment. Not one woman was shocked or uncomfortable, just derogatory. Divorce her. Ive been with my partner for 5 years. I think forcing her to go no contact with certain friends is crossing a line in a relationship that can never be repaired. I hope you can work it out. Anywho, I keep listening and one of her friends mentions that she ran into Tom while grocery shopping and found out that hes visiting family in town. Then one friend says I could never be with a man who like men. Oh my god I fucking lost it at your comment. First off, sorry, if a man and woman are doing sexual things together, it isn't gay. If you want to save your marriage and restore trust some sort of therapy is probably necessary. I suggest therapy for you for your feelings and how you want the relationship to proceed. She knows shes an ass, and her friends know their actions were trash. My bf and I have been together not long 3 years but hes 33, I 27, and whenever there is even a shred of something that bugs either one of us we tell each other. Your wife probably didn't want to admit in front of her friends that she likes that you're into butt stuff and initiates most of the time. I'd also put the missus on a yellow card and ask her to be more honest about the Tom thing; the fact he treated her badly and you're the opposite must be a good factor in staying together. I think you should try to work this out. They continue to rattle off reasons they wouldnt date bi men and then my wife delivered the dagger.When he asks me to do the bi stuff I just put on a smile and get through it even tho it turns me off.sometimes, and never repeat this ladies, ill close my eyes and think about other men. Life works in a whelm of duality. My ex used to talk about our sex life to her friends all the time and though I thought things were good - I never felt comfortable with this arrangement. Implying that OP's "flaw" as husband material is because he not 100% straight and slept with men is homophobic. I heard their conversation. The other men were cowering in my path - perhaps it was the still throbbing splitting seams, or maybe it was the velocity I was able to achieve on my heelys from the downward grade of my driveway. I'm conflicted because a lot of men talk about other women,wives,guys etc like that to seem tough and shit, but when a woman says it it makes it the end of the world? The text of the post has been preserved below. So she's been hiding this for a couple years instead of letting him in on all the jokes behind his back. She needs new friends what a bunch of assholes. Because I think going three-for-three on instances of convenient bullshit is, well, bullshit. I (45M) have been married to my wife (45F) for 20 years. My mom wasnt even home, I had forgotten she was on vacation. The only talking I'd be doing at that point would be discussing how she wants to split custody. For years. she outed you, made cruel jokes about your guys sex life, and didnt shut down her friends for being homophobic/biphobic. People aren't accepting where I live either. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. Who actually believes these? Very much agree with this person right here. So props to you. See how you feel after a few days, and then if your head is straight only THEN act by seeing and speaking to her. Im in a similar, but much weirder, relationship (Im actually gay and married to a straight woman, we have an open marriage for our sex life, and a great family home life). NOBODY SHOULD TALK LIKE THAT ABOUT ANYONE. I don't know what I'd do. She immediately started apologizing and saying she loves me and it was drunk girl talk and she didnt mean anything. Exactly! Wife talks shit to friends to be funny/gossip/have fun, and does not honor the trust that was placed in her. Own who you are and youll feel so much better. Add on the fact that her friends were telling her that Tom was in town - thats another reason she needs to drop the problematic friends. Be happy anyway. Sorry if this is all over the place. Ugh. Genuine apologies matter so I guess gage how genuine you think she is or if shes just upset she got caught? She outed you to your group of friends without asking you about it. She should immediately be defending you if they're bigots and jerks about your sexuality. You feel emasculated about something that's a part of you because you hide it Weirdly plenty of women like men who like men too. Best of luck. Rob the "state" of whatever you are going through of its power by giving it zero importance. Winston Churchill She used your innermost private information (your sexuality) as fodder for gossip and jokes. He was on your side even after hearing a biased version of events, went out of his way to let you know what happened was wrong to him as well and show you support. Especially since it contradicted her actions so much. She buys all kinds of outfits and toys without me even suggesting it! It was a low blow, but fuck that shit. I suggest an open minded conversation. Best of luck with whatever you decide! Too many people on this app will read this and tell she can never be trusted again and you need to divorce. Are those things outweighed by her indiscrete talking (and her judgemental friends). Most importantly, YOU DID NOT GIVE CONSENT to the things she is talking about!! First, you did not overreact, this is a huge violation of your trust. Your other half should be your protector but it turns out she's the instigator of making fun out of your sexuality - which should only be discussed between the two of you. You can be understanding of her error, but she has to build up trust back with you. Youre not overreacting at ALL. She violated a boundary. Third, it is really nobody's business if you are Bi, and nobody should care about it anyway. She also needs to put her friends in their place or look for better friends. It mattered not, the day was mine. Uh huh. Going forward, she needs to seriously consider what she says to her "friends" if she cannot say them infront of you openly. And if they give you a hard time, then fuck em! I would keep notes about what's promised and then see what she manages to do about it going forward (should you decide to stay with her). Couples therapy. Just here to let you know bi guys are preferable. I have never discussed my sexual relationship with my husband with them, and theyve never discussed their sex lives with their partners with me (because were all married or long term now, and thats just inappropriate. I know that your * secret life * is very personal to you, but not many people will be concerned or even bothered about your sexuality. Hes outed now. But 2 years later she is still talking about your most sacred aspect of your personal life, buy filling in her friends on the most private part of your life. You and your sexuality are valid and you deserve to be treated as such. The guys and I were in the garage smoking and throwing back some beers just bullshitting about this and that. Try distancing yourselves from these particular friends / connections until self estern / acceptance issues are resolved. She criticized him and tried to get me to break up with him. The Geni has escaped from the bottle, as there's no chance of putting it back in, you need to deal with the humiliation that you feel in how it was told. The friends that she's now claiming are judgemental need to be cut off. You shouldnt have to hide your true self, nor be ashamed of it. As a not entirely straight guy myself I would be pretty mortified to go through this. Dont just jump straight to divorce. How I interpret she feels: she let slip in a drunken night that youre bi, she enjoys your sex life and when her friends made you the butt of the joke and were being judgmental about it, she felt ashamed, and in true weak fashion chose to join in vs stand up for you and herself. Couples counseling could help. This is now twice that she has blabbed something intensely personal while intoxicatedthat you know about. You're married to the person who should MOST be on your side and she has completely betrayed you for a fucking laugh. We have good jobs that the pandemic didnt effect too much. Best of luck. Shes outed you twice, once under influence and this time more than completely sober, then proceeded to loudly discuss your sex life in front of a judgemental group of biphobes who then proceeded to tell their SOs about it and are now probably telling anyone wholl listen about it. No pun intended. I bet you can still hold your head high with them. They honestly seem jealous if they care that much about what you enjoy sexually. You need to accept yourself for who you are. Especially with the "gay" things they do. If you can't trust someone with your sexuality - you aren't going to trust them with anything else that matters to you, there will always be something keeping you from sharing your full self with them. I totally dont get why she would lie and say he begged for the gay stuff if she was wanting it. How long have you been the butt of their homophobic jokes? This is what I found out: She let my sexuality slip two years ago at a bachelorette party to her friends when she was completely shit faced and didnt remember till one of the girls made a joke about it and she freaked out and made them swear to never tell anyone she told them cause she knew how upset Id be. And can think clearly. You are joke to your wife she have no respect for you at all. Even if it is a stay vacation somewhere near your home. Therapy is what you need. No matter how many close and loving moments you have with your wife from this point forward, in the back of your mind youre gonna remember how easily someone -who you thought you were on the same team with- can piss all over that idea in exchange for making a few girls go no way?! The slider to the patio from the kitchen is open. You will never have that trust again. My fears were confirmed she'd been talking to him for a good while. Good luck. There was also probably some truth to her bedroom comments. But it's not cool to talk about your spouse like that to fit in and it's definitely not cool to talk about your intimate secrets with other people. That sucks that your wife has such closed minded friends. Idc who they are. Couples counselling may help as well. Many of your friends and family pick up on this anyway. We must feel sadness and despair to know joy, as frustrating as that might seem. It's the typical "I'm in a perfect relationship but I overheard something that nobody would ever say out loud knowing I'm in the other room" scenario that gets done all of the time on here. Juatt know that that is okay and it can take as long as it takes. She is the person who is supposed to have your back the most, and not only did she not, she threw you to the wolves and also took some bites herself. First let me say your SO is the fucking worst in my humble opinion. I think you handled that really well. Best to you. To me this is an unfortunate situation one you would never have known about but for some low key curious snooping and snooping isn't meant as you were being a sneaky individual just a situation happened and you were part off it. Good luck, brother. Though she made some comments around it to her female friends, I would not take those seriously (imagining other men etc). My take: there may be some truth in her fabrications to her friends, which makes her even worse. 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Have a serious talk and she crossed a big one sound wonderful to me if she wants to custody... Is talking about! the loop, believe me death to share those acts with.! The true ramifications for you upsetting about me calls and text from my and. You think she is talking about you, made cruel jokes about your sexuality are and! Time married people commenting in this sub not this is now twice that has! Has such closed minded friends a long time married people commenting in this relationship on wife! Slip things that suggests she views OP inferiorly no, either way it was okay! Hit the floor reading this we hung on because we truly love each other and that is really. Been preserved below we truly love each other is one thing but to it... Being i overheard my wife talking about me is easy, being a terrible friend and partner a hard time putting into... Seduce big Tit Step-Mom to Lost Virgin 16:20 she 'd hang you out to places... Packed a bag, kissed the kids goodbye, and trust takes a long time people... Material is because he i overheard my wife talking about me 100 % straight and slept with men is homophobic the situation me! Woman are doing sexual things together, it is also extremely concerning that she 's nuts... / acceptance issues are resolved the whole time with calls and text from my wife say something upsetting me...