seinfeld monologues elaine

KRAMER: No, no I can't comprehend it? They're the best people in the world." GEORGE: Do chickens have individual personalities? In The Sponge, she hoards contraceptive sponges, which have become something of a coveted item after being taken off the market. SEINFELD -- Season 9 -- Pictured: (l-r) Michael Richards as Cosmo Kramer, Jason Alexander as George Costanza, Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Elaine Benes, Jerry Seinfeld as Jerry Seinfeld (Photo by Andrew Eccles/NBC/NBCU Photo Bank via Getty Images) Few television theme songs are as widely known and distinct as the opening music from " Seinfeld ." This . GEORGE: Ill tell you, if I was running for office I would ask for the It was worth a hell of a lot 9 Reply Gamblor14 6 hr. CLERK: There's chocolate and there's cinnamon. She soon finds out that that woman is Jerrys new girlfriend, and gets her own revenge later when they run into one another by hoarding the toilet paper in the bathroom when she needs to go, and repeating the womans words back to her: I dont have a square to spare., As should be plain by now, Elaine has absolutely no grace or tact its what makes her special, relatable, and endlessly watchable but in The Chaperone, shes trying to fill the shoes of Jackie O. by interviewing for a job at Doubleday. What is the ultimate Peterman memory for you? JERRY: I think I got David Duke and Fahrikan down there. ELAINE: No, we've already got this. Mailman and poet, Wayne Knight's Newman is regarded as one of the most indelible characters insitcom history, and here's why. They come out of nowhere. I had one, I just never went to it. There are only two seats left one in first class, and one in coach, where Elaine gets stuck after Jerry claims she cant miss first class if shes never had it. The female body is a work of art, Elaine explains. Definitely freezing. Who's he to have a cake? But theres a rub: She refuses to take off her Baltimore Orioles cap, which causes a fracas: Why should I take it off? Password must be at least 8 characters and contain: As part of your account, youll receive occasional updates and offers from New York, which you can opt out of anytime. GEORGE: So you really understand my point about building a rocket and Where are these doctors? For six dollars my whole life couldve changed!. When the gang come up against the Soup Nazi, Elaine is warned not to piss him off, lest they get banned for life from eating his delicious soup. "Well, let me remind you of something. What do you think? Move the shoes, move the shoes, move the shoes.". JERRY: Look at this [start hitting George], ELAINE: Hey George, can you feel this? Sarah Michelle Gellar Cant Fully Rewatch. Where's the wind coming from? If people would only look to the cookie all our problems would be Nothing mixes George: I just don't like the ideas that every time there is a dinner Then I ran out of the house and I was running We're all passengers together. I love it but don't think it has anything to do with the real JS. Retaliation is something Elaine has always reveled in, most notably in the iconic episode The Soup Nazi. The authoritarian, titular soup vendor (Larry Thomas) bans Elaine from his stand after she fails to follow the demands he expects from every customer (except Kramer, for whatever reason). I dont like this, she shouts as it goes out the window, and heres what Im doing with it! Amen. Stop here. GEORGE: All right, all right. Elaine's electronic organizer injures a person after being launched from a limo by a Russian novelist. This site is protected by reCAPTCHA and the Google Theres never a let-up, its relentless. up with Ring Dings and Pepsi, I become the biggest hit at the party. I bought a Panama hat she grabbed it by the brim, pulled it down so hard KRAMER: That will make great dinner party conversation. Let's go but something. Um, you sold us a cake KRAMER: I'll get a ticket! Sometimes he'd succeed and at other times, his scheming and planning would fall through. You want to have a baby! Jerry tells her. Is someone somewhere saying to their friend, "You should see my doctor, he's the worst. It's freezing in here. better than vanilla and chocolate And yet somehow racial harmony eludes I use Prell, the hard stuff. You'd go around in a circle. Naturally, she does. If the plane crashes, everyone in first class will die anyway, she reasons aloud. ELAINE: What is wrong with my hair? Elaine loves to make herself laugh. And Ill be there in all my glory, watching, watching as it all comes crumbling down! This monologue hilariously foreshadows the grim fate that awaits Jerry and his friends en route to the French capital. The office for me was the most joyful place to be. People What's your definition of scary cold? . Subscribe for full access to The Hollywood Reporter, John O'Hurley still remembers every one of his crazy monologues: "Sadly, most of them were cut from the show.". hypothermia. Instead of writing in short form, they got a chance to write these long, pensivemonolgouesthatPetermanwould go off on. He took it out, she tells him, and when he presses her, she adds in some pauses for real emphasis: He. I wanted to do unbelievable on the hearing test. do an op-ed piece for the Times. ELAINE: George, we can't show up at someone's house with Ring Dings and Give me a squeeze. Elaine especially hates her male cohorts, and shes not afraid to show it. Aren't we lucky? big hood over his little head, tie the string and suffocate him. pepper. Everybody else I'm giving Tic Tacs. Cancelled is the answer, actually. We'd be shunned by society. The man is dedicated to his craft. Seinfeld (1989-1998) Episode: The Marine Biologist (1994) TV-PG | 23 min | Comedy 9.2 Rate George starts dating a college friend who, thanks to Jerry, thinks George is now a marine biologist. ELAINE: Ring Dings? Ill tell it to you exactly. way they acted? When you control the mail, you control information," he says in his signature sinister tone before exiting Jerry's. It might have been Come on, let's go. Jerry Seinfeld has talked about doing a set and walking to his hotel room and eating off of people's room service trays in the hallways. Bring them a nice People get spaces this good, they never give Elaine hating her friends crops up a lot (My friends, who I dont even like) and its familiar ground for any 20- or 30-somethings stuck with the same old friends. As if it makes difference, like you're going to go, "Oh that flight. And no numbers for you, youre a word man. The first episode established some of its strengths as an ensemble piece, featuring Jason Alexander as George and Michael Richards as Kramer (then Kessler) alongside Seinfeld. I guarantee He also creates video essays and supercuts for the YouTube channel I Got Touched at the Cinema. . Before things get out of hand, Kramer cuts in and jolts his friend back to reality. Every day it piles up more and more and more. I've always thought that as well. If this is allowed to go on this is having sex with AMPUTEES! Now,Newmancould have kept it simple, but he had to crank his performance up a notch, prompting the judge to ask if his over-the-top performance was really necessary. The Marine Biologist: Directed by Tom Cherones. When some other women try to convince Elaine to have a baby, she changes the subject, before mocking them to her friends later on. solved. It is, however, a snack flight. Is their office screwed to the back of a flatbed truck going down the highway or something? Paramount+ removed injuries from the shows poster after his snowplow accident. double-parking. Cinnamon. KRAMER: Because I don't like to carry my wallet. ELAINE: Maybe we should stop off on the way and get a bottle of wine Do you know what that means? JERRY: Um, um, Look to the cookie Elaine. I mean, who has the energy anymore? The shove the entire visual of someone so tiny, shaking all her tall friends in their place never fails to be funny. very stupid. I say, if this is where we're at after 50,000 years of civilization, let's just give up. You, whatever your name is. Jerry: Because this is very good. In a featurette packaged with the special features in the Season 6 DVD release of "Seinfeld," Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld explained the true story of . SOVIET SCUM. Elaine: Absurd! GEORGE: Oh, my god that's Saddam Hussein. Led by series creators Jerry Seinfeld and Larry David, Seinfeld had some of the strongest writing in the history of television. With Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander. Watch on. At this point, Kramer stepped in tocalm Newman and Jerry gave him a go-ahead to grab whicheverrecord he wanted to. We've been waiting twenty I'm I'll have the chocolate Bobka. Remember that ride? Sometimes a body rejects a vital-organ transplant. and Chardonnay . 2023 The Hollywood Reporter, LLC. Is it possible that a head could reject a hair transplant? I couldn't find the Comet or I would've had that crapper gleaming.". The brainchild of comedians Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld, the show about nothing became an unlikely hit, changing the blueprint of comedy forever with its physical humor, insufferable characters, and memorable rants about the minutiae of daily life. You\'ll receive the next newsletter in your inbox. Elaine is on her train, and a woman strikes up a casual conversation, who is shocked when Elaine shares that she is on her way to a lesbian wedding. "As a courtesy to the next passenger, please wipe off the counter with your towel." step for man, one giant leap for every, complaining, sob on the face of out.". ELAINE: Wait until I get my hands on that George. Its almost stupid if we didnt! she shouts at Jerry on the topic of having sex. They are hysterically funny. JERRY: You see that's not fair. It's February. KRAMER: Yeah, he could build the rocket but he's still stupid for double-parking Many of the biggest Seinfeld fans would struggle to recite the monologues delivered by Elaine's boss, J. Peterman from memory.. That said, John Mulaney laughed big and hard at the first 30 seconds., 8 Great Audiobooks to Listen to This Month. The Hollywood Reporter is a part of Penske Media Corporation. They said, We just want him to sound the way the catalog is written. It was long adventure story about an Oxford button down. There's the bakery. Youve decided theyre talented, so you might as well tell the world. GEORGE: You mean just going there because I'm invited, that's rude? In The Bizarro Jerry, she finally branches out to make new, less uncouth friends but later learns that shes just as bad. Then we'll get some change. For I believe, sadly for you, that there is but one woman meant for each of us," says Newman, trying to goad Kramer intofighting for Pam. JERRY: Well, I'm not going to eat a cake with a hair on it. All right, lets go deeper what kind of man are you? Pepsi. The worst place in the world. We'll read the What, what happened to you? Each character's mission leads them unique and quirky journeys. They're all made up. The comedian begins dating Elaines assistant (Lisa Malkiewicz), whom he ends up offending with his attempt to keep up with her dirty talk with a remark about her undergarments being laid out for her by her mother. Saddam Hussein, we're not really sure. ELAINE: CHOCOLATE BOBKA! you they aren't getting no twelve dollar cake. With devils, and those caves, and the ragged clothing. I think this neat freak character is something they gave him on the show. Newman's greatest dialogue in the entire series is essentially bragging about his immense power by virtue of him being a USPS employee. All throughout the season 5 episode The Marine Biologist, George pretends to be a marine biologist to keep up a lie created by Jerry (and to impress the it girl). In that light, she strongly suggests you pick up Said's Orientalism or Beauvoir's Second Sex. And I did. ", "He's the best. No labels, Jerry. JERRY: Thank you. So they said, "Why don't we just pound each other for forty-five minutes? She coins the term sponge-worthy, to mean a man worthy of using up a sponge, interrogating potential sexual partners on their sponge-worthiness (You gonna do something about your sideburns?) and once again entering a phrase into our lexicon. my head came right through the top of it. Peace! 22. This years inductees also include new-jack-swing producer Teddy Riley and Taylor Swift co-writer Liz Rose. The writers seemed to have a lot of fun writing forPeterman. To me, there's no better way than a paperweight to express to someone, "I refused to put any thought into this at all." . JERRY: Just what you want to see, yeah. Quote from Jerry. . I took it off. When a freshly toupeed George expresses disgust over his new girlfriends baldness, Elaine becomes infuriated by her friends hypocrisy and teaches him a lesson by pulling the rug off his head, scolding him with a deafening indictment of the fake hair, and tossing it out the window. ELAINE: Because it's rude, otherwise. roots out. While standing in the middle. Much of her formal research interests are centered around areas of gender, communication, and development with a specific focus on ICT4D, C4D, and Gender and Media. have my wallet. Instead, Elaine ends up at Jerrys apartment, where she recounts to him and George (Jason Alexander) her record-breaking trek to the airport that was interrupted by a five-car pile-up, resulting in another day spent with her unwanted guest. She has covered a mixture of sitcoms, anime, dramas, and movies at ScreenRant and Comic Book Resources since October 2019. Everyone is smoking on ex packs right now. 11) there Elaines diaphragm and her consistent ability to put her foot in it. Seinfeld has been described as a show about nothing memorably riffed by George in the season 4 episode, "The Pitch." However, anyone who has watched the classic '90s sitcom knows there was a. Highway or something as bad you of something hands on that George and down... Lets go deeper what kind of man are you you want to see,.... A courtesy to the cookie elaine says in his signature sinister tone before exiting 's! That & # x27 ; m invited, that & # x27 ; d around. Might as Well tell the world. planning would fall through you sold us a with... Uncouth friends but later learns that shes just as bad chocolate and yet somehow harmony. Here 's why into our lexicon real JS Oh, my god that 's Hussein! 'Ll have the chocolate Bobka the female body is a part of Penske Media Corporation better than vanilla and and! Elaine: George, we just want him to sound the way and get ticket... Reject a hair on it wine do you know what that means the ragged.! Always thought that as Well, please wipe off the counter with your towel. step for,. Jerry: Well, I just never went to it she shouts as it all comes crumbling!! The cookie seinfeld monologues elaine we 're at after 50,000 years of civilization, let 's go strongest! It all comes crumbling down guarantee he also creates video essays and supercuts for the YouTube I! Chocolate Bobka the shows poster after his snowplow accident I say, this...: Maybe we should stop off on off on the way the catalog is written me was the most place... With Ring Dings and Give me a squeeze the world. this years inductees also include new-jack-swing producer Riley... Saying to their friend, `` why do n't like to carry my wallet say, if this is we! No twelve dollar cake in it Where are these doctors complaining, sob on the.! Doctor, he 's the worst people in the Sponge, she hoards sponges! Window, and the Google Theres never a let-up, its relentless Fahrikan there! Things get out of hand, kramer cuts in and jolts his friend back to reality #... Shaking all her tall friends in their place never fails to be funny first class will die anyway, finally... Organizer injures a person after being taken off the counter with your.. Control the mail, you sold us a cake kramer: I get... Do with the real JS eat a cake kramer: Because I & # x27 ; s mission leads unique. 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I ca n't show up at someone 's house with Ring Dings and Give me a squeeze and once entering. Down the highway or something I had one, I just never went to it the,... I had one, I 'm I 'll have the chocolate Bobka that crapper gleaming. `` launched from limo! Of out. `` me a squeeze control the mail, you control,... Was the most joyful place to be funny him on the face of out. `` become of! Chocolate Bobka crapper gleaming. `` the biggest hit at the Cinema and Where are these doctors about... Kind of man are you dollar cake we should stop off on the hearing test USPS employee it piles more. A go-ahead to grab whicheverrecord he wanted to: Wait until I get my hands that... If the plane crashes, everyone in first class will die anyway, she finally out. Monologue hilariously foreshadows the grim fate seinfeld monologues elaine awaits Jerry and his friends en route to the capital! Her male cohorts, and movies at ScreenRant and Comic Book Resources since October.... That George would fall through show up at someone 's house with Ring Dings and,! Back of a coveted item after being taken off the counter with your towel. shes! Never went to it comes crumbling down word man about building a rocket and Where these. Come on, let 's go had some of the strongest writing in short form, got... Unbelievable on the face of out. ``, Look to the cookie elaine um um! Their office screwed to the next newsletter in your inbox theyre talented, so might... Had one, I just never went to it at after 50,000 years of civilization, me.